salam. m ere, alone, still counting a days for being a sum1 dat i never thought to be. n today, m trying to letting myself to feel more comfortable wif my new 'environment', 'family', and 'WEATHER'. its kinda hard actually to let it be NICE cz i cant make used to be as wut i am. yup, ALHAMDULILLAH. thx to Allah. for letting me be in dz circumstance. to make me realized. dat m the lucky one to be~! thx to my lil sis 4 take a good enuf care 2 me b4. i do appreciated it. dont get n judged me wrong. n for those who r not really CARES FOR ME, actually.. juz ignore me. cz i dunt want YOU to get interrupted into MY LIFE. cz YOU are jz TOO BODY BUSY, for real.. THAT WAS YOU! I KNOW I SHOULD NOT SAY ALL OF DZ WORDS. BUT I HAVE TOO. AND I DO APOLOGIZE FOR IT. juz let me be my self. cz ALL OF YOU JUZ PRETENDING TO 'CARES' bout me. and U JUZ CANT DO NOTHING ayte?
I AM SORRY AGAIN.
to AYAH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. thx for being too SACRIFICIAL to me. i DO EVER APPRECIATED IT. theres no 1 cant replace AYAH to be YOU! juz like EMAK..miss her...really miss her...:(
to ABGLONG, thx for being a CARING brother. ure the bestest brother dat i ever had n would never cant be replace ever.
to ADIK AIN, thx for ur KINDNESS to me. for everything dat u did 4 me, even sumtimes, its kinda hurting u, I AM SORRY. juz dont be like me.. n be urself as a good daughter in our family. to arwah EMAK, i am missing u .. missed u too much.. gloomy without u.. hurted without u.. collapsed without u.. its kinda hitching me.. its grievous too much.. i juz cant pray, may your soul rest in peace, Allah blessing u ever emak, i do always pray for ur calmness into ur heaven. AL-FATIHAH! p/s: may Allah blessing me too. amin ya rabbal alamin.
Darra Aishill: Dear my frenly fren Syery, im sorry for all my mistakes... sorry for things dat i did not do for u. deeply sorry. everyday i pray dat u will find ur way in peace. sorry if im not ur fren when u r in need. sorry if im not ur gud listener. sorry if im not ur problem solver. thnx for being sooo nice to me since we were met years ago.. take care n always pray the bestiest for U & baby. Warmest rgds: Shilla
Alhamdulillah for always, Allah always be by my side. sumtimes m juz wonderin for those who juz pretending tryin to act 'CONCERN' to me that actually juz HYPOCRYTE! but for do always, ALHAMDULILLAH. Allah kan maha adil.. n yesterday, i feel so grateful. Alhamdulillah. he's are doing fine. hope for always till my due date,he will be alhamdulillah as now. n the day before yesterday, i have made a col to sum1 who r really that i never tot 'she' will says sumtink that out of my mind. the person that i mean for is 'emak kepada unresponsibility guy who had ruined my life since 5years ago!' ive told his mom bout us, n wut happened to me. n OMG she juz can say, 'KENAPE XMINTAK MAK BAPAK KO DUET, MAK BAPAK KO KAN KAYE, BYK DUET.' WTF! xble bla la siak. how could 'seorang emak' yg sgt alim d mata aku can say that fucking word. try to imagine that. seriuosly i never tot that kind of mom will say that! n no wonder, she still 'TANGGUNG' for her 3 LOSER SON at her house. opss.. sorry.. Alhamdulillah ever. this is karma lifes. n also she just can simply says 'MAKCIK XDPT BUAT APA2'. n thats OCCAY wif me actually. LIKE MOTHER, LIKE SON! bia la Allah yg balas sme ni. aku mmg xmampu buat pape lagi.. TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS WHO ARE REALLY MY FRIENDS, IF ADA SALAH DAN SILAP, I DO APOLIGIZE. BARANG SESIAPA YG MANUSIA SEMEMANGNYE LAYAK DIGELAR MANUSIA, JADI LAH MANUSIA SEPERTI MANA KAMU MMG DIJADIKAN MANUSIA. AKU HANYA SEORANG HAMBA ALLAH YG DAH TERSENTAK DAN SEDAR AKAN SEGALANYA. AKU HANYA MAMPU MENDOAKAN YG MANE DAH PUAS MENGANIAYAI AKU TU, BEST OF LUCK!!! MAY ALLAH BLESS ALL OF YOU! p/s : AL-FATIHAH utk arwah emak yang sentiasa dalam hati dan ingatan.
dalam kehidupan ini, orang smua xtaw pe yg kite rase.. kehilangan demi kehilangan aku telah rasekan sejak diri ini mempunyai status yg hanye layak dipikul oleh orang yg btol2 bersedia.
hanya Allah yg tahu camane kehilangan orang yg kite syg. tp kehilangan itu telah membukakan mata aku utk sedar betapa byknye kesilapan yg telah aku lakukan selame ini.
perit..sgt perit.. apabila name kita biase kedengaran dan slalu disebut tibe2 diam menyepi.. hanya name org lain dipanggil. terasa iri hati.. tp aku sedar mungkin inilah yg dipanggil hukum karma..
aku sedarwaktu dan ketika apbila seseorang itu cube menghukum aku dlm diam. aku xmeminta utk ada dalam keadaan sebegini rupa..
kawan2? smua da hilang... smua ade kehidupan mereka sendiri.. layak kah utk mereka memikirkan tentang kita yg ada dalam kesusahan.. hanya pada Allah aku mampu berserah..
aku cuba utk menerima dgn redha. hanya Al-Quran pengubat hati yg duka.
cinta terhadaplelaki yg diattang pun xdpt dibedung lagi.. segala buruk dah dinampak kan... smpai sekarang 'dia' diam membisu.. alasan yg 'dia' mempunyai sakit barah.
aku? sedangkan aku perlahan2 membawa diri utk meneruskan kehidupan.. air mata ini xkan berhenti mengalir.. meratapi kekesalan diri yg tiada tandingan nya..
inilah dugaan yg aku harus hadap dengan tabah. apabila seorang ayah tidak memandangku dgn kedua belah matanya. apabila darah daging sendiri seakan2 menyumpah kehadiran aku yg sgt meyusahkan ahli keluarga sendiri.. aku terima.. sesungguhnya Allah maha berkuasa.. apa yg Allah takdirkan ada di depan aku skg..
aku menghitung hari. menghadap dugaan idup.. yg mungkin akan membuatkan aku berubah selamanya..
kadang2 rasa macam nk ikut mak je pegy tinggalkan semua ni.. tapi siapakah aku?? aku xlayak nk duduk setempat dengannya.. byk lagi aku kna tebus kesilapan aku..
kali ini, aku merasakan pergerakan yg membuatkan aku rasa bahgye.. walaupun tanpa seorang lelaki disampingku... tanpa seorang emak.. aku akan terus berdoa aku akan cuba menjalani kehidupan ini dengan penuh tabah.
Ya Allah ya Tuhanku... berikanlah aku kekuatan... utk menghadap segala ujian Mu dgn penuh tabah.. aku akui kesilapan ku.. aku rdha dgn takdir Mu..
ampunkan segala dosa dan silapku. sesungguhnya Allah maha berkuasa. amin..
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